Thoughts on my morning walk

The resistence that you have for your life right now is an absolute travesty and a dishonouring of who you are. It's a dishonouring of what you've created in your life, those toxic behaviours you fell on when you were young and living life asleep are important and they deserve a place on the mantle piece right beside your degrees and accolades. All we have when we die, are the stories. We all had to fumble our way in the dark before we found the light switch. What makes you unique, is your story. There are no two people in the world that share exactly the same story. You hold this unique expereince of those hearts you've broken and the struggles you've been through for a reason, not for a reason in the typical sense, or how you know others might refer to it like 'you went through that for a reason to propel you forward into life away from what it is you dont want' I think we're missing the point if we look at life like that.

That's dismissing the most crucial parts of the story. I remember being so heart broken I couldn't sleep or eat or stop crying. I've never in my life been more heartbroken than that. I was 18, I will never be 18 and heartbroken again. I hold this tragic love story within me, as an important aspect to me.

It's for a reason we go through these things, and that reason is for experiencing life, emotions, devastation, triumphs, grief. This experience is a brush stroke on your unique art work, your specific life's artwork. Our life is a masterpiece. The sad and desperate times where we can only but express the emotion in it's rawest form is stunningly beautiful. What if we could look at it without having to judge our hard times, and without the pressure to come up with some way to move through it? I think that's what can help us accept our pain and suffering be vulnerable about it AND only when we have fully felt it will we move through it anyway. and instead of getting up from the dirt and dusting ourselves off and running from that time, we gently gather up some of the dust to keep in our pocket to take with us into the next stage of life, remembering where we have been and what has supported us on our journey.

Every day spent in bed under the doon, every relapse. It's all aloud, and it's all worthy and it's all beautiful and it's all a piece of art that creates connection rather than distance.

The highlight reels only create comparison that leads to disconnection, that leads to fake friends, that leads to loneliness.

This curated, sanitized way of communing and communicating makes us feel like we don't fit in.

We've been pressured to create something, achieve something, work towards something, make a life for yourself that only looks like this, this and this. Definitely not that. You must sit within this box, don't deviate from that.

This is exhausting and this is where we spend majority of our life waiting time trying to fogger out life, like it's a puzzle to be worked out and some people have the formula for it, just look at your social media, they are telling you what it is. In every second Instagram story. you see it, look here I have the answer for you. look here this is the way to do life, look here no, this is the way to do life. This is what's going to get you there, and all this focus on success leaves us just feeling like a failure.

Instead what if we could be ok with exactly what we are moving through in this present moment. Can I fully live it here without resistance? Can I love my life from this place and myself as I travel from this experience? Can I write poetry from the my darkest days? Can I play, create, explore? Can I let myself just slump here and not move my body all damn day? Those days are worthwhile.

I loved when i got covid. I was fucking sick, but it gave me some great perspective. I've spent a lot of my teen years in a hospital bed. do you know how that has shaped me and molded me and made me no stranger to adversity. I spent this time of my life identifying as a victim. I wouldn't change it for the world.

Today, instead of feeling like the universe has slapped you in the face. Can you be mindful and surrender to the moment? Write down what you observe. Dance with life, even if it's awkward. Because this moment right now. It's important, it's your very own story. Its perfect just as it is.